Parallel Story: Wish upon a Fake Star
by Themulchmeister
Summary: When Kyon becomes a Contractor, things don't quite go as swiftly as you'd expect.


To make up for my long absence, I've done two one-shots; both DTB X-overs since I've recently finished the entire Anime. I've also taken the time to catch up on eight of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya light novels and a fair chunk of the Manga too. You might find that this one's more inspired by the Manga than the Anime or Light Novels. Anyway let's get on with it and enjoy my second comeback story!

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Parallel Story: Wish upon a Fake Star

7th July: Year 20XX 21:00:

There was only question I needed to get out of this woman.

"Where is Haruhi!?"

"Agh!"

"Agh!" I screamed for some reason. "Oh sorry is this spotlight too bright?"

"Oh um yes...I mean no...I mean uh, sorry I uh..."

I didn't like playing the bad guy here. She was such a cute damsel. With brown hair and a face that looked far too young for her rather grown up (in certain places...) body. Though I don't think she suited those glasses.

"Sorry Asahina I'll turn it off then." Wait why am I apologising to my hostage? I don't know maybe I've gotten soft or something. Being a Contractor isn't really my style.

"Anyway, Miss Asahina, I really need to know where your agency is hiding Haruhi Suzumiya."

"I'm sorry but that's classified information." She answered, almost in tears, as she sat restrained in the chair. "It's not that I don't want to tell you, but my superiors won't provide me with that information."

"Damn." I cursed and then resorted to my trusted Doll Nagato. "Is she telling the truth Nagato?"

"Yes." She answered with the most efficient response possible. "They have used memory blocking technology to suppress her knowledge of Miss Suzumiya's whereabouts."

That was a lot more words than I expected out of Nagato but it proved helpful nonetheless.

"We won't get anything out of this girl. Let's just leave her here before her comrades find us." Shamisen said whilst licking underneath his legs.

No he's not retarded or anything. Shamisen's a cat you see. And yeah, he talks. Although in this world, that's not really as strange as you might think.

Still, it kinda creeps me out when he does it.

I turned back to our adorable hostage. "Well could you at least tell me when the SOS system will be online?"

"Um let me think." If she could move her arms, I bet Asahina'd be putting a finger to her mouth right now as she thought up her answer. "Nope, sorry I really wish I could be more helpful."

Now she feels bad about not being able to help me? Damn it! Why'd we ever have to be on opposing sides in the first place?

"They're here." Nagato's monotonous words caused me to brace myself as the walls around us crumbled as if brought down by a giant kid smashing a tower of Lego.

"Oh my, sorry for the intrusion, we just came to pick our friend up." A smug smile I could punch right now belonged to a certain man standing before me. "If you hand her over peacefully, we might at least be able to arrange a less painful death for you and your friend there."

Damn Koizumi. The Contractor who can make a holographic giant form of himself which follows his every move and command. I think his price is to talk a lot more than normal people, I dunno.

"We don't have time for games just die!" Another fearsome Contractor came rushing at me with her lightsaber knife. Ryoko Asakura, the deadly assassin who once worked here in Japan, then got transferred to Canada, then got transferred back here in order to bring about the SOS system.

"Gah!" I dodged with my apparently brilliant agility. Summoning a blade attached to a wire, I grabbed Nagato's hand and lifted us to safety. But this blue haired assassin wasn't going to let me get away. Like a cat on steroids, she leapt up to the next floor, closing in on me with great speed.

Clang. Our blades united for a moment of dazzling battle before I crouched under her sweeping slash. She responded with a low sweep kick, tripping me over, but I managed to recover and roll backwards with her lightsaber just cutting a scrap of my jacket.

The precarious beam we were fighting on was now being shaken around like a clothesline wire by Koizumi's Giant.

"Agh. Nagato, Shamisen, hurry up and get out of-"

But by the time I turned around I found Koizumi had already rustled up his own hostages.

"Why don't you come with us BK201 or should I say, Kyon?"

Actually I'd prefer you didn't use either and just used my proper name for once. But now that I have Ryoko pointing a lightsaber to my throat I guess I shouldn't be worried about terms of address at this moment.

(?)(?)

Now it was my turn to accept the 'ryona' treatment. With tight straps bound around my feet and ankles and a room of bright white light, I must say I've experienced more comfortable situations fighting on a rooftop.

"Perhaps you're a little confused right now. Would you like me to explain some things for you?"

Actually Koizumi I'd like you to shut up and undo these straps but whatever.

"The SOS system was a concept our brilliant experts at the Agency only recently discovered. By unleashing Miss Suzumiya's full power, we hope to recreate a whole new Hell's Gate-like phenomenon and create Contractors obedient to whatever orders their creator, Miss Suzumiya, dictates."

"So really whatever you guys make Haruhi tell them," I answered smartly.

"This has the potential to create an obedient and powerful law-enforcing unit, capable of eliminating criminal Contractors – excuse me – like yourself, and will offer the Japanese further protection against the United States superpower."

"You do realise you guys are nuts right?" I offered my Contractual cynicism.

"We may have some peripheral ideas, but we are already living in a world created and influences by Haruhi's own will," Koizumi continued. "By using the SOS system, we hope to regulate this wild and unchallenged ability which, if left untreated, could not only spell the end of all Contractors, but the end of the entire world.

I decided I was sick of this evil Koizumi's rant and spat in his smug face. "I'd rather have the entire world destroyed and rebuilt than live in your crazy dystopia!"

Koizumi just smiled and wiped my saliva casually from his face. "It's a shame people always try to treat Utopia and Dystopia in the same light. That's such an irrational way of thinking."

"Uh, Koizumi, it's time." Well at least it was nice to get one last glimpse of this bumbling, glasses-wearing Asahina when she tottered into the room. I wonder if she was a Contractor like Ryoko and Koizumi were? I bet if asked she'd use that famous catchphrase again.

"Well, it looks like we'll be unleashing a new world in a matter of seconds. I would have liked for us to have been friends in this world, but I guess it wasn't what Miss Suzumiya desired. Who knows, maybe we'll be on the same side in some other world. It's all up to our Goddess now..."

Dammit Koizumi could you say those last few lines again? Everything got all fuzzy around 'liked'. All this white noise is entering my ears. Are we on an aeroplane or something? Everything's turning brighter as well. The noise is almost deafening until...

...

"Kyon...Kyon...Dammit Kyon wake up you lazy bum!"

THWACK!

"Ow!" I rubbed my sore head after copping another walloping from Haruhi. I was back in the familiar surrounds of the clubroom. Koizumi was waving and smiling from the other side of the table and Asahina was clinging a silver plate to her chest, wearing her usual maid costume.

Haruhi seemed to be yelling something unintelligible into my right ear, which I think might have gone deaf a long time before this conversation. She was also stabbing her finger towards the window.

"-amit you never listen to your Brigade Chief's orders do you?" I heard that much.

"Look!" Haruhi decided she needed to move me along with my entire chair towards the direction of the window where a clipping of bamboo half-protruded outside. "You're the only one who hasn't made their wish to Orihime and Hikiboshi. If you don't make your wishes, all ours will be cancelled out and I'll make you pay a penalty for that!"

I'm sure you'd find some other way to make me pay your penalties anyway but...

That's right, today was the beginning of Tanabata. I certainly won't forget about last year's. As I wrote down my wishes, an odd memory played through my mind. Kind of like the impression of a great dream or something. Is it possible that I may have actually lived through that memory in some other timeline? I still haven't had to go back through time like last year's Tanabata. Maybe there's a certain future I must try to maintain or avoid.

All I know is...I really hope Shamisen doesn't start talking anytime soon...

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I have to admit my main inspiration for this story was when I noticed how much Yoko looked like Asahina. They practically have the same personality and sound similar too! Well, that's what I thought anyway. Please review or you'll make Asahina cry!


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